The Making of Magical Moments

Posted on June 5, 2007 and filed under Uncategorized

I will never forget the conversation I had with a friend of mine. She was the closest friend I had with a child. Her son was eight years old, and I was amazed at how she handled a dilemma with him. I, being mere months away from giving birth, asked her to impart some of her motherly wisdom to me. She looked at me with a look of shock and horror as she said, “I’m flying by the seat of my pants here!”

 

I am still haunted by that expression.

Still, most days, I relate to it on every level. Now, to give a fair warning, this article is not meant to be a venting tirade on the difficulty of motherhood, it is only to throw out some, “Girl I’ve been there,” validations that many of you mothers will be nodding your head in agreement, or laughing along beside me as I make my way through the valley of the shadow of toys.

Motherhood is the greatest gift I have ever received. Having said that, I am free to go about my business and tell you what it has been like for me. It made my childhood dream of being a fairy come true. I am a dish fairy, a litter box fairy, a laundry fairy, a money fairy, a cleaning fairy, an organizing fairy, and of course, a loving fairy. All these things are done through magic, at least that’s the way it seems to my working husband. But to be fair, he is the paycheck fairy, and that is a magical thing to me, indeed.

My average day begins before dawn, especially now that it is daylight saving time. Being the mother of a one year-old means the rules are always changing. What was acceptable yesterday is not today, and what is acceptable today, may not be tomorrow. I am constantly figuring it out, and promptly losing it. When I figure out what “it” is, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, “it” is keeping me on my toes.

My day as a stay at home mom varies day-to-day, although I try to create a schedule to keep sanity. Mondays are wash days, Tuesdays are homework days, Wednesdays are meeting days, Thursdays are errand days, and Fridays are last minute days. But none of these are guaranteed. On top of the lists I must cross out like a diligent school girl, I must squeeze in time to play with my daughter. That’s right. I do not just do chores, run errands and balance checkbooks. My husband and I budgeted and changed our lives around, in order that I would have the opportunity to raise our daughter to be an upstanding young child of God. That means reading books, taking her to parks, zoos, playgrounds, play dates, trail hikes, and any other thing I can think of. This, my friends, is the fun part.

My point in writing this article, is to get all of you, (and me too,) to prioritize our lives, and see the child before the clutter; the creation before the mess; the wonder before the blue computer screen of death. (I’ve found that all children are built with an innate knowledge of where the exact button is that disables any project on any computer…anywhere. Hackers have nothing on them.)

So let’s see here. I’ll start with a list. Because lists are good, and they make a great outline.

  • Make a list -
  • I did it, so you should give it a try. Sometimes the ideas of what we feel we have to do are bigger than the projects. Make an old fashioned list and you’ll probably feel a lot less stressed, instantly
  • Remember the list is not the word of God -
  • If looking at it makes you break out in a cold sweat and cry, throw it in the garbage disposal, followed by a lemon rind. (The lemon will smell delicious, which will clean your kitchen, which will probably be one less thing to do on your disposed list.)
  • Take advantage of time -
  • I ruled out television and restrict my internet time. As tempting as it is for me to use naptime minutes on a soap opera or checking Perez Hilton, I try to take a shower, clean the kitchen, or get some homework done. When my husband gets home from work, his day is over, but my day continues long after he goes to bed. The baby’s asleep. You think I’m going to waste this precious time sleeping? Are you out of your mind? I have an article to write. Besides, I will sleep when I am dead…or when she graduates college. Whichever comes first….
  • See if you can consolidate projects -
  • Need to get rid of some baby weight? Do something you can do with your precious pumpkin. Bike ride with a trailer, it creates great resistance. Or take the stroller out for a walk up every hill in your neighborhood. Pushing uphill makes calves prettier than a great pair of heels does
  • Create a safe place for your kids to explore -
  • I cannot express the importance of this one enough. It gives me sanity and peace of mind. I gave Josephine her own cupboard in the kitchen, stacked with colorful plastic plates, metal bowls, picnic utensils and stackable cups, so that she could “help” me while I did dishes. This also works with a box in the bathroom while I’m getting ready. I would not wear makeup if it were not for that box of spare blush brushes, toothbrushes, old plastic necklaces and bracelets. (For boys, toothbrushes, little containers and watercolor brushes work well.)
  • Get involved -
  • Whether you join a Mommy and Me group, meet friends weekly for coffee, or go to a women’s bible study, it is imperative that you connect with other women. This could be the bond that saves your life. Never underestimate the power of isolation and depression. If you are stuck right now, make tiny steps to reach out to someone you know. We all know it can be hard, you are not alone.
  • Remember the three P’s -
  • Be Positive, Patient, and Persistent. Sometimes all you need is a fresh perspective, and the flow of your life gets right back on track. Remember that no matter how hard it may seem, you are going to miss this time. Right now. This moment with your kid will never happen again. One day you will look back and wish he or she was small enough for a time out. And finally, if it did not work today, there is always tomorrow. It takes three to four times for the human condition to, well, condition. Remember that and try, try, try, and try again
  • Play -
  • The fourth “P,” gets its own number on the list. This is the one that saves me from the mountain of frustration, anger and hopelessness. I will let you all in on a little secret: my house is messy right now. As I am writing this, my husband is sleeping, as is my daughter, and my house is…messy. I could have cleaned it, if I ignored my daughter’s cry for attention as I was peeling the potatoes for dinner and she was hanging on my leg. But I did something peculiar. I stopped. I got on the floor, pulled out her bowls, and drummed along with her picnic utensils while she tapped and bounced and laughed at my side. Then we made pudding, chased the kitties around the house, snuggled and rolled on the floor, and attacked daddy when he walked in the door. Do you think he minded that the house was not perfect? Do you think I did? The point I’m trying to make is that we should be spending more time on the floor playing than scrubbing it. Besides, the floors will be there long after she is grown and gone. This phase, whichever one it is, is magical.

– Written by Sonja Stewart - a maker of magical moments