A Walk With God - A Personal Experience

Posted on June 5, 2007 and filed under Growing with God

By Jenn Randolph

I wrote this story based on a walk I took with God last month. I wanted to share with you some things God has been teaching me over the last year and hope that you are in some way blessed by it …

Do you ever have enough time to sit and wonder … “what is life all about? what is my purpose in life?” Even as a Christian, I sometimes wonder these things. Why did God create ME? If He knew of my sinful nature, if He knew I wouldn’t be perfect, if He knew I was going to mess up time and time again, why on earth did He still make me? But over this last year God has been taking me through a journey. A ministry called Pure Life Ministries has been walking me through a study called “Walk through Repentance” and through their Christian counseling, and my time in the Word, I am finding all the answers I have sought for so long. So as I come to the end of my time with them, I decided to go take a drive to the beach and spend some quiet time just reflecting over everything God has shown me.

In Genesis it talks about how God created us for HIS pleasure. HIS pleasure? What’s that about? Does He like seeing me go through these tough times? Does He get pleasure out of seeing me hurt? So I prayed and asked God to show me what the true meaning of “His pleasure” meant. And guess what, in a still quiet moment, He used the simplest method possible to explain it to me. My own life. And as I walked along the shore, this is how the conversation went:

J=Jenn G=God

G: My dear child, knowing what you know about children, how they can be disobedient, impatient, cruel, and as they grow older, test your patience, hurt your feelings, do the opposite of what you teach them, walk away, talk back, challenge you, and sometimes even reject you… knowing all of this, why did you still want to have a child? Did you do it for selfish motives? Did you do it so you could watch your child make mistakes and get hurt? Did you want a child so you could scold him and point out all of his wrongs?

J: No Lord…. If I was selfish I wouldn’t have had a child. I knew it would be a lot of work. I knew my child would make mistakes. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But I wanted to create something beautiful that I could enjoy, love and cherish. I wanted to see what I could create; something that was part of me. Someone that had my attributes, my spirit, a true part of who I am!

G: So you’ll still love him despite all these things?

Jenn: of course I do and will! That’s part of parenting! Oh, you saw him when he was born. To see something that’s such a part of me. There is no other feeling in the world like it! It was the most unselfish moment in my life.

G: What are your dreams for your child?

J: To raise my child the best way possible, to teach him to love, honor and respect others. To teach him about you, and how you gave up your own son so that we might have life. To teach him to be kind. To teach him to be happy where ever he is in life, with whatever he’s got. To teach him right from wrong. To teach him patience and virtue, integrity and honor. To teach him about friendship. To take walks with him and share with him the beautiful things in life. To enjoy his innocence and childlike beauty. To watch him grow, learn and teach his own family the things I taught him.

G: What happens when he does something bad? Or something that hurts you or another? Will you still love him?

J: Will I still love him? Of course! I will always love him, he’s a part of me, he’s my child. When he does something wrong, I will try and teach him from his mistake, and show him how to get back on track.

G: Will you hold these things against him for the rest of his life? J: Of course not. I will forgive him and embrace him. I will love him unconditionally! G: What if he strays away from the truths you taught him?>

J: I will pray that he returns to the way I instructed him and ask for protection for him during his journey along the way.

G: What if he turns his back on you and wants nothing to do with you? What if he finds another person to call “mom” and forgets about you?

J: God, how could this be possible? I am the one that gave him life? He is made in my image! There is no other mom for him. I will keep reminding him where he came from, I will keep praying for him that he will remember his first love, I will keep loving him until he comes home to me! I will never let him go!

G: If your son had a life-threatening illness, and only you could save his life - by giving yours, what would you do?

J: He is my son. I would do ANYTHING for him! Yes, I would give my life for him.

G: At what point will you consider your job as a mother done?

J: When I have no breath left in me.

G: Well spoken my child, now you know why I created you. I love you. I wanted to see and enjoy something that I created from myself. I wanted to see you laugh, I wanted to walk with you in the mornings and enjoy our fellowship together. I want to paint the skies for you so you’ll remember how much I love you. I want to teach you to love others as I have loved you. To be kind, patient, and caring to others. I want to see you grow in your faith. I want to see you happy. And when you go through the trials of life, I am right there with you. I’m praying that you don’t fall into temptation, but that you make good decisions that will lead you closer to me. I loved you so much that when you chose to walk away from me, I stayed right by your side. When your choices separated you from me with sin, I sent my only son to give his life so that he might save yours. My work in you will not be complete until I return. I have so much I want to teach you, share with you. I will never hurt you nor forsake you. You are my child, made in my image. Everything I do for you is to draw you closer to me. My love for you is everlasting.

J: Wow, I get it now Lord! Thank you! Now can I ask you something else?

G: Yes, of course.

J: Why does life seem so complicated? All I want is to be loved, cherished and appreciated. I love my husband so much but sometimes I just don’t feel his love in return. Why do I feel so alone? Why can’t life just work out the way I thought it would? Is this so wrong to want these things?

G: (with a chuckle) … Well, that’s a good question! No, there is nothing wrong with wanting to love and be loved. It’s the way I designed you. I often have the same feelings when you haven’t spoken to me for a while. I fill the sky each morning with sunshine to gently wake you up, I color your world with flowers, trees, birds and mountains so that you will be reminded of how much I love you, and each night I lay you down to rest with the stars glittering in the sky. But yet, sometimes I have to wait days for you to acknowledge me. Life on earth is short, there are only so many hours in the day. Use them wisely. And remember, you chose your husband and made a commitment to him to love and cherish him for better or worst, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health. What problems are you experiencing that aren’t covered in those promises? You are in a valley right now, but he is the same man that you fell in love with years ago. You both have changed some, time will do that. But you must remember your first love. Do you remember what it was like to love him unconditionally? Do you remember what true love is: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Somewhere in the business of life you two have forgotten just how much you need each other. I know it can be hard sometimes, true love is sacrificial. If you love your husband today the same way you loved him in the beginning, you will find what you are looking for again. But you must be willing to let go of your pride, your rights, your anger, your bitterness … you must forget the things of the past and press on towards the future. Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. I love you both, and want to see you both have the love you seek. My grace is sufficient to help you get that back … if you will only accept it.

J: Yes Lord! I am willing. Wow, I’m really enjoying my time with you!

G: Me too! And as I continued to walk down the shore, I noticed a sand dollar ahead of me. I ran and picked it up and noticed that it was broken. I love sand dollars. Their story amazes me, and finding them on the beach brings such excitement! As I kept walking, I would find another piece, and then another piece. And while a year ago I would have probably thrown them back into the water because of their imperfection, I now could appreciate the fact that they used to be a part of something beautiful, and because of that, they were still beautiful to me. And then something came to my mind.

J: God, I never used to think broken things were beautiful. But now I see meaning in them. I look at the history of these broken pieces, and I know that they used to be whole. And the fact that they are so unique, and that you created them, I really think that they are still beautiful despite their brokenness. Is that what you’re trying to teach me in life? To be satisfied with my broken pieces, because they have their own beauty in them? Wow! I will Lord. I will be satisfied with my brokenness. I know there is beauty in there too. Thank you Lord!

G: Silence

I kept walking along the shore just praising God for the storms in my life and the times when I couldn’t see through the clouds and how God gently guided me through them. I thanked him for the lessons he had taught me through these hardships and how they brought me closer to him. And I was suddenly overwhelmed with joy and satisfaction. I thought this was the end of my day, and it certainly was a good place to end. So I started to return up the beach and then … out of the corner of my eye… I saw something. I walked up to it slowly and tears started welling up in my eyes. As I bent over I saw a perfectly round sand dollar in all its perfection, and then God spoke to me again …

G: My child, you have finally learned the truth in beauty. Beauty is not in perfection, it is in the creation. And it wasn’t until now that you understood how the brokenness was used to make you a more beautiful person. I do not wish for you to have broken pieces in your life. They are for but a time. Likewise, my son’s death did not end on the cross, it ended when he rose again and returned to my right side. One day you too will return to me, and you will be whole again. I hope now you will see just how much I love you and want for your life. Thank you for this day and for spending this time with me. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed it! I hope we can do this more often.

Jenn Randolph is a mother to a 5 year-old son. You can check out how she incorporates work in the home at www.PowerHouseGraphics.com